I reflected on the pain that my family and friends have been going through for the past month. Illness, job loss, the denial of benefits, life changes, and so on–these disruptions in our lives without notice shake up us in more than ways than one. For routine and familiarity bring a sense of belonging and consistency where expectations are met, and planning for the worse is not needed. But what happens when our fallen world decides not to cooperate with our well being?

Last night, during the early hours in the morning, I was doomscrolling through social media and crawling the web, lurking in different web forums and amusing myself at the online chimp outs and rage quiting. Yet I examined the contents of my own heart and honestly asked myself questions regarding my status in life:

I will not focus on the points listed, but rather my calling upon the Lord in being receptive to His response during my night hours of suffering. And I felt in my spirit that I had to recall Romans 8:

Romans 8:18–27

Future Glory

[18] For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. [19] For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. [20] For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope [21] that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. [22] For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. [23] And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. [24] For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? [25] But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

[26] Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. [27] And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. (ESV)

When I could not even articulate the words in my supplication to the Lord, I began to utter in my heavenly language, knowing the Father would not let a single syllable from my mouth fall dead. I did not find any supernatural revelation, nor did I get a glimpse into the spirit world interfering with the natural. At that moment in the night, that was the least of my concerns (but is not seperate from being unaware of the schemes of the enemy, as I did not discern that was an influence); the encounter with the Holy Spirit in comforting me was all I needed. Though my problems and my situations persisted and did not change, the Lord renewed my perspective in understanding this world is but a breath–a pilgrimage where we are all strangers, looking for a home and kingdom built by the Lord Himself.

Ideally, I would rather pray and take action that the Lord’s will be done, His Kingdom come, as is in heaven as it is on Earth. But a man can only do so much, and unless the Lord builds the house, I labor in vain.

I eventually fell asleep later to Hillsong’s worship music, and the comfort of the presence of the Lord. Upon awakening, I was still tired, unwilling to move out of bed, and was collecting my senses still trying to make sense of the earlier morning. As I read through my church’s Slack account with the prayer and care requests, all I could remind myself each day, that in my weakness, my posture of power is in prayer, interceeding for my brothers and sisters in Christ that the Lord would be King in their lives, and that He would act as Father, caring for his beloved children.