Psalm 37:7–9
[7] Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!
[8] Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. [9] For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the LORD shall inherit the land. (ESV)
Ever since I was addicted to pornographic consumption since my teenage years, there is a category in the perverse world of porn that I am drawn to more than any other: The Girlfriend Experience.
The fantasy of having a spouse has been something I have yearning for as far as I developed romantic feelings for the opposite sex. Yet the denial and rejection of that status and finding someone that is proper for myself, has unfortunately led me to steer into a direction of perversion in seeking a counterfeit experience, that does not really extend past an hour because the rates can get expensive.
Then there’s the other category of amateur porn where it is filmed, as you guessed it, from an amateurs point of view, without professional equipment. This was another category I was into, as some models had a girl-next-door vibe to it, and anything that had that semblance of reality turned into a fantasy I hopelessly consumed. I don’t believe in neccessarily going into the acronyms, deciphering key words, and the business of how I got started going on dates with sex workers, as that is not the point I am trying to address in sharing this; the main idea is to address one of my strongholds in sexual idolatry is that these male performers who are filming and uploading to the usual sites are prospering in their perverted hedonism without any consequences.
That was my grievance to the Lord.
I was meditating on the Word about this subject for the last few days, and I continually find myself back into the passages about the promises of God in allowing someone to reap what they sow.
It seems to be a very simple concept, but for me, it is difficult to take to heart and trust the Lord in His timing of removing the evil that is pervasive in our land. Perhaps it is just how my mind works, but I like to learn deeply about topics I am interested in, and unfortunately, this got me into to study the world of sex work and how the ecosystem operates. Yet to keep a long story more concise and, according to Ephesians 5:11-12,
Ephesians 5:11–12
[11] Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. [12] For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. (ESV)
I will be sparing the fine details of the underground world of sex work, where I had been in and out of for the last three and a half years.
Simply put, some people can profit and genuinely prosper in this line of work, whether male or female. In addition to financial freedom from OnlyFans, donations, or contracts with professionals, there is also a fan base of fanatical perverts deeply attached to some of these actresses, and sometimes actors. The idea that not only could you receive a financially easy living, but have a warm reception to the public seriously aggravated me and made me jealous of these men who toured the planet sleeping around with hundreds of women, then posting it online.
There had been a few nights where I had an honest conversation with the Lord about this, and I asked Him if I could be an adult entertainer traveling across continents in search of willing women to have fun with. The Lord simply responded by pointing to His word, yet this time, I felt the Father’s authority and holiness I had been desiring for the transformation of my heart.
Galatians 6:7–9
[7] Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. [8] For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. [9] And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. (ESV)
Revelation 22:14–15
[14] Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life and that they may enter the city by the gates. [15] Outside are the dogs and sorcerers and the sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices falsehood. (ESV)
These two examples out of the many in the Bible spoke to my heart directly in light of God’s promise of judgment. Deception is one thing I can be easily persuaded by, given my deficiency in social awareness as well as lies from the enemy. Additionaly the nature of mocking provokes me to a violent rage ready to assault and batter my offender. If that is my struggle, how terrifying would it be to fall into the hand of the Lord of Hosts?
Secondly, Jesus is dearer to me than anyone in the world. There truly is no one like Him and He has shown me a love that satisfies my deepest longings when I am in His presence. To be seperated from the Prince of Peace and the King of Kings would be to my utter agony, in addtion to being cast off into complete darkness.
Lastly, the Lord’s timing is correct in enabling me to trust in Him that He is who He says He is, and that not one word the comes from Him will return void.
My encouragement is to share of God’s promise to his children in hoping patiently for His hand to offer to each one what is due to him or her, for the works they are responsible for, both good and evil.
Amen.