In about a decade of using GNU/Linux and studying infosec, I’m aware of surveillance capitalism, where data brokers, corporations, and intelligence agencies passively gather your data at your expense to manipulate you, sell you slop, and influence your behavior as a consumer.
Before I lived in a state of vigilant fear, not because I had anything to hide, but more importantly did not want my autonomy and well being to be exploited and profited from. Eventually this escalated to borderline paranoia during its worst seasons, especially hearing of fatalities of SWAT-ting, doxxing, and harassment that also involved family members associated with the original target.
My worst examples included:
Which ultimately led to burn out, distrust, and eventually paranoia.
My friends, even if you admire Richard Stallman, Bruce Schneier, or the EFF, there should be a balance on how we approach interactions in daily life. Of the three I mentioned, I believe Schneier has the correct balance and confidence in calling out exploitation by big tech, yet living harmoniously in everyday society. I understand that those who compromise their freedom for comfort and safety don’t really deserve either, but the practice of avoiding surveillance at all cost and escalating threat models to being an enemy of an intelligence agency is ridiculous as a US citizen with civil rights.
But things turned different after I was severely violated during a 5150 incident in 2019, abandoned by a dysfunctional society, locking me up for their convenience.
I had needed help. I needed a safe person to talk to and be listened to. I was in spiritual torment and emotional instability. But what had happened instead was I was mocked, lied to by two street cops to lock me up at John George Psychiatric Hospital, and physically neglected on a stretcher as I was stabbed with a bunch of needles, with nurses trying to understand why I collapsed on the work floor during a 14 hour shift.
During my hold at the John George for nearly 30 hours, I had met some interesting people and gotten the rest I had needed. In that time sleeping on and off, I examined the posture of my heart and everything I worked for and developed in my discipline of bettering myself, now landed with dozens of other people who were having a really bad day, with Alameda County Sheriff chilling out on a table watching over us, along with the vigilant hospital security ready to hold down and tranquilize any patient that was determined to be unruly or become violent.
As I lay on my bed with my Bible, I began to reflect on the Word of the Lord as my comforter, and the only one who understood me in a state of embarrassment, shame, and depression. Jesus Christ.
I don’t remember what I called my mom and dad for, maybe it was to pick me up from the hospital, but a familiar voice when a merciless society decided to lock me up when truly I just wanted to go home and sleep was a soothing comfort, after being interrogated by my district manager, nurses, doctors, and cops.
After the incident was resolved, I later learned months afterward that my incident wasn’t covered by workers’ compensation because when I was being interrogated by staff, I didn’t know how to respond to a technical inquiry and the third party that dealt with injury claims denied all liability and coverage because they judged I was suicidal, and I had made a bad judgment call and injured myself.
The only thing I was truly thankful for was that my store manager at the time had been kicked out, and when I truly discovered the truth of my loss of coverage a year and half later, I wanted to murder him with my bare hands. The rage and visceral hatred had consumed me and the next store manager had to help me relinquish my wrath and desire for vengeance.
I had made comments like wanting to burn the store down, or suing the company for wrongful damage, all of which my senior colleagues and management advised me not to shout at the top of my lungs as I’d get the boot if word got to the hire ups.
But I didn’t care.
And yet, as I began to choose to forgive over a very long process of grief, forgetting the past, and sheer determination to fully surrender my heart and trust in the Lord, leaning not on my own understanding, my mind began to shift to something supernatural that I couldn’t claim was my own efforts.
The time I had spent in being consumed by anger and indignation eventually bled my nervous system dry, and I had to choose another route, as plotting revenge or inquiring from law firms about the rights or case I had eventually led to nothing.
The process wasn’t instant or overnight, but a series of transformation through suffering and tribulation, where I learned obedience to Christ. In times where I would have preferred to assert my will and impose my anger on my enemies, Christ recalled the times I had failed my family, friends, church and places of employment in the past when I was far more immature and in need of correction. And the kicker is this: as the Lord opened my eyes to my own sin against Him, there was a fear of my own failure to own my shortcomings and to choose a posture of forgiveness rather than vengeance in sin against me.
In Matthew 18: 31-35, Jesus explains in the parable of the unforgiving debtor:
[31] When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were
greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. [32] Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. [33] And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ [34] And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. [35] So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” (ESV)
And suddenly the fear of the Lord and reverence for His word came upon as a posture of self preservation, as shallow as it sounds. But as I submitted and yielded my will to the Lord, His tender mercies and loving kindness renewed my mind to understand the Father’s decision to sacrifice His son Jesus Christ for my sin against Him.
So I solemnly repented and canceled all of my sins indebted to me and forgave my enemies and offenders, that the Lord may have mercy upon my life. Now these tribulations and financial debts owed didn’t magically go away, but rather I had to submit financial hardship applications to prove that making minimum wage with no money to my name was impossible to pay up to $16,000 worth of hospital bills. A lot of it was cleared, but some I still had to grind to pay off slowly.
But the time I spent putting my spirit and soul in hard labor and earning every dime taught me much.
In 2 Timothy 1:7, Paul writes,
for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. (ESV)
I recall my previous stance on security, privacy, and in some cases, anonymity, had been completely shattered when I had to open myself up to financial institutions, lest my credit profile is ruined and collection agencies come after me. The more I released my pain, stubbornness and hurt over to Christ, the further I entrusted my security and place with Him in heavenly places, where Christ encourages us to in Matthew 6:20–21:
[20] but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth
nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. [21] For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (ESV)
Now this slow process of relinquishing paranoia of being harassed by glow in the darks, trolls, and apparitions at night, established a sensible mindset of freedom and security. That sometimes despite massive for profit surveillance on everyone on the planet, there really wasn’t much to worry about if you recognize your citizenship in heaven, and that you’re a son of God.
That isn’t to say that I endorse the stance that if you have nothing to hide, you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. That’s like saying if you have nothing to say, you don’t need free speech. What I am addressing is that there are some reasonable privacy measures that should be established to protect citizens from exploit, and that there should be some user responsibility to enforce their safety against corporations who would rather mercilessly exploit them.
But let’s get to how the Spirit established its fruit of power, love, and self-control in me.
I used to trust in power. I didn’t trust outward institutions or state and federal governments for my security and safety. The responsibility was on me to air-gap machines, place wireless devices in Faraday cages when not in use, pay in cash whenever possible, and to run virtual machines with a Tor Browser Bundle whenever I was lurking on the web winding down after a long day. But that couldn’t stop the turmoil on the inside, that my one step misplaced, or a bad judgment call from a stranger or family member would compromise my identity and security posture, and everything I worked for would fail.
My mind was scanning the horizon and vertically–cameras, RFID readers, strangers being more nosy than they should be–which in time developed hypertension and restless mind that never knew comfort. And eventually I became so tired of the posture and theater of privacy and security, I finally asked myself why? I’m not Glen Greenwald or Edward Snowden. I don’t write for the Intercept or leak state secrets to Micah Lee through OnionShare. Slowly, as I began to relax my death grip on technical correctness and security posture, for the first time in probably over five or eight years, I began to have comfort in my own mind.
And with that comfort and open mind, I began to draw near to Christ, the Prince of Peace, whom taught me through the scriptures that:
Isaiah 26:3
[3] You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. (ESV)
The choice for keeping my focus and trust in the Lord denied entry of a mindset of fear. Slowly, as the Spirit healed me holistically, I began to re-enter modern society with the armor of God equipped, not in tension of legitimate invasions of privacy or exploitation of consumer behavior, but against spiritual forces that we are at war with.
And in this clarity of vision I began to approach life with boldness, vigor, and confidence, that I can say,
Isaiah 54:17
[17] no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD and their vindication from me, declares the LORD.” (ESV)
Friends, the Lord has declared the prince of this world has already been judged, and he has nothing on our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. This is the enemy’s last stand against the second coming of the Lord, where he is setting up the Beast system according the book of Revelation. But I learned to fear not, for my death is in Christ and my resurrection is with Christ. My name is written in the Book of Life, not in a black box in a data server hidden from the public!
But even with such specialized skills and knowledge I acquired from my studies, it would have been for nothing had I not began to have Christ like love. I’m reminded of when Paul confessed in 1 Corinthians 13:1–3:
[1] If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. [2] And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have
all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. [3] If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. (ESV)
It was in this solemn revelation that I determined if Christ was going to free me, I ought to set my mind to liberate others, pointing them to the Messiah who gives life and life abundantly. I’ve encountered many folks in my walk in life, and the determining factor that allowed them access to me wasn’t their skill set, resume, or cover letter in which FAANG corporation they worked at. It was a selfless love for my benefit, even at their personal costs at times. For the sense of owing a debt, that they didn’t even consider worthy to put on me, provided an example of Christ’s life when he was on the Earth ministering to people.
And as I received more Christlike love from people, and from the Lord himself, I began to understand Christ’s mission during his ministry.
In Matthew 9:35–36, it is written:
[35] And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. [36] When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. (ESV)
And Christ’s example of love and selflessness inspired me to break free from my shell, that though putting myself out publicly would attract attention like how a shark smells blood in the water, I determined with a fierce conviction that I would deny my life, that I may gain it.
The surprising thing was it wasn’t that bad after all touching grass and meeting folks. And as my confidence and boldness grew, I saw the pain, suffering, and hurt my peers go through when they’re vulnerable, entrusting me with their inside life, that Sunday service smiles don’t capture.
My heart began to tenderize, break more, and have a burden that I would begin to pray, “Lord, how am I going to serve and minister to these people?”.
The Lord answered by bringing me back through my years of suffering. For it wasn’t a complete loss, but rather a base of learning in obedience through hardship and failures, that Christ may have a close walk with me, drawing from his strength and not mine.
In time, others noticed my gift in serving children and children with special needs. I even was approached by my campus director of children to volunteer in being a special needs buddy for these young people. And I got to be the man that wasn’t there for me when I was their age, misunderstood, judged harshly, and condemned by volunteers who should have no business being in charge of a child’s safety or spiritual maturity.
The pain is still there; I don’t pretend a lifetime of being scarred vanishes overnight or by changes in social engagement. But through the pain, I’m able to be present with the vulnerable in our society, those who are marginalized and forgotten.
As time went by with the Lord walking with me, healing and unwinding the entanglement I had with the darkness of the past, people observed a re-birth of my attitude and countenance as time progressed. For example, I was finally able to have photos attributed to me, even so far as to go take a professional photo shoot so I can have a Hinge profile that didn’t give women the ick at first glance. Looking back at it now, I laugh of what I deprived myself over the years, as the warmth I have with my community and family is what I look toward to in eternity in heaven.
My friends, changing my perspective to eternal matters broke me free from the irrational fear of targeted surveillance by corporations and government. For it is declared in our victory as children of God:
Philippians 2:9–11
[9] Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name
that is above every name, [10] so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, [11] and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (ESV)
While privacy and security should be enforced to maintain one’s dignity and autonomy in a pervasive world of exploit and consumerism, it doesn’t need to cross into an anti-industrialized stance like what Ted Kaczynski advocates for.
Instead of building a digital fortress and living a reclusive life, my failures and shortcomings have given me wisdom to be as sharp as a serpent, but gentle as a dove. Guides for privacy and security are now advocated for my friends and family, protecting their well-being from catastrophic harm. All those years studying infosec and operational security finally proved worth mitigating disasters for my vulnerable family members and friends who haven’t invested in the time to protect themselves from their own computers and phones!
So I encourage you to keep the mind of Christ, walk in the Spirit and not after the flesh. Continue to stay grounded in the Word of the Lord, grounding his law in your heart that you may not sin against him. For the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. And in living in fear of the Lord of hosts, free from the fear of a world that’s passing away, gives us hope, and hope eternally in Christ Jesus.